Sally in the Zen

Confessions of a Befuddled Zen Buddhist

Winner

I can count in one hand how many times I’ve ever won anything.

Do you feel lucky, punk?  Dirty Harry snarls at me.  Well, do you?

Uh, no.

Dirty Harry, didn’t I just say that I can count in one hand how many times I got lucky?

How about you make my day and just let me win something for once?

Being Buddhist means believing that if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen.

But everyone knows you gotta play to win, so I step up to the plate.

And plucked down two whole dollars to play the Mega Million that boasted the awesome cash value of over 300 million dollars!

And then a group from New York wins the jackpot.

Stinks!

Lousy freaking game.  I’ll never waste my money on this crap again. 

Then I’m passing the sign this week that says the PowerBall jackpot is over 200 million!

If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.

But what if it’s meant to be me?

Should I put down another two dollars and waste my money again?

Should I just spit at the jackpot and curse the lousy freaking game?

But I find myself going to the gas station and plucking — again — my two dollars for the PowerBall. 

What the heck.

And what happens?

One ticket in Indiana wins the entire lot.

Blows!

Darn it! 

But then I notice that I got one number.  My powerball matched the Powerball.  And someone told me that I won two bucks for that.

I’m a WINNER!!

WOO HOO!!

Who’s the woman?

Forget the fact that I just won back my two dollars that I had put in for the two tickets.  That’s sooo way beside the point.

So I march up to the counter at the gas station and present my ticket and ask if I won anything.  I watch as the girl sticks my ticket into the machine, my eyes darting around the cigarettes and coffee bar, waiting for the lights to go off and sirens to blare YOU’RE A WINNER! 

Wouldn’t that be embarrassing?

Okay, so there aren’t any flashing lights or loud sirens going off.  How the heck would I know what would happen when you present a winning ticket?  I’ve never won anything!

ShopGirl:  You won three dollars.

Me:  Get out!  Really??

ShopGirl:  You won three dollars.

Me:  Woo Hoo!  Yea Me!

And I run home with my winnings!  And I burst through the front door and start doing my little happy dance, shaking my hips, and twitching my behind as if I had a bee in my pants.

BECAUSE I’M A WINNER!!

That’s right!

I’m a WINNER!!

Thought I would just share my joy with everyone before I blow the cash on a small cup of Starbucks coffee.

Since that’s all that three dollars really can afford to buy.

But again, let me point out, folks, that is soo way beside the point.

Because I can now count with TWO hands how many times I’ve won anything!

Uh huh.

Two hands.

That’s right.

Take that, Dirty Harry!

The End.

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