Sally in the Zen

Confessions of a Befuddled Zen Buddhist

Too Much Information

One night during dinner, Zen Master had a pinched look on his face.

Me:  Did you bite your tongue again? 

Sometimes while chewing, Zen Master would inadvertently bite his tongue or his inner lip.

Zen Master:  My gums are swollen, and it hurts to chew.  

He pulled his lower lip down and showed me his bottom gum line.  I’m no dentist and it kinda looked no different to me. 

Me:  How long has this been going on? 

Zen Master:  A few days now.

Me:  (shrugging my shoulders, clueless)  Maybe it’s gingivitis or gum disease.

Zen Master:  (giving me a nasty look)  My teeth are fine!  I use Listerine every night!

Me:  Then how come it’s swollen?

Zen Master:  Maybe I need to use more Listerine.

Me:  If you use it twice a day, it does provide 24 hour protection against plague and germies, you know.

Zen Master just gave me another evil eye and continued eating his dinner, the pinched look still there.

A couple of weeks later. 

One night after dinner, as I sat down at my computer, Zen Master showed up beside me with a cup of whole milk.  He placed it beside my computer.

“You need milk.  You need more calcium.”

I stared at him.  “You do remember I’m a little lactose-intolerant.”

“That’s a long time ago.  Drink your milk.  You need strong bones.”

“Why you being a milk pusher now?  What’s up with milk?”

“My gums aren’t swollen anymore.  I was thinking that I may be missing some vitamins so I started drinking two glasses of milk a day.  And I was right.  My gums aren’t swollen anymore.”  He pulled his bottom lip down and showed me his lower gum lines.

But I’m no dentist and it kinda looked no different to me.

“Oh-kay.”  I said.  “So I need to drink milk because I need stronger bones, even though I’m going to get the runs?”  I scratched my head.  “You know, broccoli is also high in calcium, but it doesn’t give me the runs.  How about if I start eating more broccoli?”

“Drink your milk.  Don’t waste food.”

Can we say pigheadedness?

I don’t usually pitch a fit with Zen Master, despite the fact that I’m, um, 40 years old, so what do I do?

I drank that cup of milk.

And promptly had the runs.

Sorry, a little TMI (Too Much Information) but I’m just being real.

“It’s okay, Sally.”  He said, as he stood outside my closed bathroom door.  “The body needs calcium.”

By the third night, when he showed up at my desk with that damn cup of whole milk, I finally gave him the evil eye.

“I don’t want strong bones!  To heck with calcium!  I don’t want to have the runs tonight!”

Zen Master frowned at me.  “Fine.  Be that way.  I’ll drink the milk then.”

He stumped away with that damn cup of whole milk.

And that was the end of the runs.

The End.

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